I need to meditate on this.
Yes, I do meditate. That’s why I look at people who suggest it as though they have three heads, two of which have just committed faux pas. I need to meditate, and mourn, and find peace in myself, and think about a lot of things, and try to find forgiveness in myself for myself and others.
I do this better with something physical to do. I’m not a knitter, nor any other sort of needlework; I can’t seem to lose myself in it the way others do, though I do appreciate a good yarn. I’m more the one who cards and spins and dyes and winds the wool; the one who washes and prepares things. So after tomorrow’s errands are done I’m going to take a pile of stained things, a washtub, and soap. I’m going to sit outside in the shade and use the washboard and get the stains out of the ivory napkins and my daughter’s things and try to get a shirt of mine white again and I’m going to try to find a peaceful place for my head.