*click* MWM 2013 Regional Gathering – Security spotlight. *click*
So this is happening. Yes, that’s me. Obviously we’re hamming it up a bit, but I’m actually taking the role seriously and modeling off the myriad con Security teams I’ve seen and been on through my life. This means I actually get to think about things, make a plan, and be somewhat organized.
Yes, I totally am going to mention that in a job interview when they ask about other interests.
I have found some peace in the last few days, though not as much as I’d hoped. I have also identified the direct steps I need to feel safe enough to breathe, and have taken the initial ones. I often use phoenix imagery for the way I handle regaining functionality, though I don’t really “identify” with it. I’m just another creature who can rise from ashes and desolation.
I’ve also found that I carry a lot of resentment and even anger for the way I’ve been viewed, judged, and stigmatized. I’m making a bit of peace with that; one of my current tasks is forgiveness of self and one other. Nothing was said about forgiving anyone else, and it’s not on my priority list. When you understand that you DON’T have to forgive it makes life a bit less stressful.
I don’t have to forgive. But I do need to let go. Let others’ actions be simple data points instead of the raw, unhealing wounds, and they are wounds right now; I can be hurt very badly by rudeness, inconsideration, and being accused of lies. When things are data points they cease to matter.
Sometimes I envy Cybermen.