Shadows on the heart

I’m not dealing with the death of Zilla very well.

I’ve been trying to distract myself; I’m apparently extremely popular now that I’m officially single and noticing other guys now.  I’m a co-founder of a new company; more on that when we get the initial bits into place.  I’ve realised that I can put volunteer things, like doing Security for the 2013 MWM Regional Gathering, on my resume and get serious experience credit there.  (It had never occurred to me to put things I like doing and that I do for fun/amusement on my resume.)  I’ve been trying to be nice to myself.

I’m still snappish, foul-tempered, hypersensitive and generally cranky.  I just don’t know how to cope without my little black cat, my companion, the one person who always loved me no matter what, the only one I could love unreservedly until my children came along.  She saw me through marriages, divorces, two children, pure Hell that left me scarred mentally and with permanent back problems, three states and several moves, my entire world turning upside down, and thinking I’d found a forever home and then losing it.

She was not “just a cat”, not “a pet”.  At least half the time I’m pretty sure she considered me HER pet.  She took care of me as surely as I did her.  And I have no idea what I’m going to do without her.

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