Putting the “con” in “control”

I seem to have reset some.  I’m a lot firmer about my own goals and limits, and I feel more at home in my own skin again. Finally. 

I needed that.

Now I’m turning my attention to shifting my current circumstances. Once I get one thing in order I’ll be in a position to do everything I need, and I will be myself again. I’m SO looking forward to that.  To my own space, my own dishes and silverware, and maintaining things in a fashion that permits me to handle everything by myself.

I’m regaining control of my life. This is good. I feel calmer and happier about it. And I will never again permit anyone to convince me to give it away.

I’m not really certain why going to someplace with several thousand people recharges a known introvert, but it does.  Maybe it’s just the ability to blend in, finally.  Have conversations with people who get the weird/geeky stuff, like that Tesla never married or even dated (but there was that thing with the pigeon.)  Not worry about someone hating me on sight because I’m different, I look different, I react differently.

Still trying to figure out why people keep thinking they can read me, but aren’t always right unless they’ve known me for many many MANY years.  There are some who get close, who seem able to figure out general ballpark, but apparently I have a few extra quirks that throw them off.  One of these days I might get around to refining the “baseline mood not happiest/computer is on and analyzing or processing data/these two are totally unrelated” expression to something that doesn’t come across as… well, the latest description was “staring someone down.”  Maybe it’s that my eyes go lighter when I’m grumpy and that shifts the effect, I don’t know.  After nearly four decades you’d think I’d be better at the finer details of this body.  Oh well; frankly by this point I’m inclined to just say “deal with it” and go about my business.  Folk can believe me or not as to what’s going on in my head.


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