Attack of the Past and the Fountain of Inspiration
This is more a nighttime ramble than a before-coffee, and it’s after imbibing chocolate wine. Yes, it exists.
I’m noting that elements from my past are showing back up with the rest of me. I’m back to what is apparently the proper shade of red hair (actually my natural, brightened some), my normal personality is coming back out (as the rest of the world performs appropriate self-blessing actions), and I’m seeing concepts that are almost old friends popping back up.
Right now it’s the literary world. I spent my adolescence on the fringes of the science fiction/fantasy publishing world, complete with copy-editing for Starshore magazine (now long defunct) and culminating in a brief internship in the Editing and Development department of White Wolf. I’d not really had anything to do with the entire field since that last, partly because of the drama factor involved and partly because I was off on Adventures.
Now it’s popping back up. I have friends who are connected to a particular publishing house, and I keep pinging around the edges of things on that front. A friend of mine is also a writer, and needs a copy editor… guess what I’m good at, on the actual publishing level. And there’s e-publishing… I just managed to connect two people who needed to talk. There are a few other aspects, but essentially it looks like “science fiction/fantasy publishing” is a theme again.
As is writing. I’m getting actual requests to continue writing again, partly based on this blog and partly based on simple bits of conversation (some of which end up on this blog because I managed to turn a phrase neatly.) I’ve avoided it in past partly because it can clash SO badly with editing (a lot of editors are failed writers, and it gets the entire field a bad name sometimes) and partly because, well, I have trouble sitting down and DOING it in anything more than short things. I’m also reminded that ideally I might actually just dictate to someone, set up a recorder and tell stories.
…and that caused me to pause, have a quick chat with another friend, and there may be something in the works. I’m good at bits, she’s good at piecing. And that spurred another two possible projects.
See, my problem is that I have no shortage of ideas. Really GOOD ones, in fact. Ones that need to happen, be it for emotional profit or financial profit or Because The World Needs This Dammit profit. Most of them are generally helpful, and the ones that aren’t directly helpful are at least fun. The problem I have is in starting them up. Finding ways to make them reality. Actually Doing Them. I’m an idea generator and catalyst — what I need is help making it all real, because I haven’t the foggiest how in most cases and even when I do I’m afraid to step over the threshold. Yes, I have a straight-up fear of success. I know exactly where it comes from, and it’s being worked on.
Theoretically the best way to get past that fear is to take one of these, even just ONE, and Make It So. Get past that startup bump, get through it, and see it to fruition. That’s the part I desperately need help with.