Everything happening at once
Isn’t Time supposed to keep everything from happening at once? Sometimes — okay, a lot of times, for me — it feels like the tau-axis (Time) of space-time keeps collapsing to a point, or at least certainly isn’t linear. It’s all wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey… stuff.
After far too long a space of Nothing, I abruptly need to make a decision about something that fits my financial objectives and then some, but has some drawbacks that I need to figure out if/how to work around. My Analyzer is going full-tilt on this one, has been since yesterday afternoon, and I’m still not sure. One of the issues is that any workaround is going to depend strongly on someone else, and there are only a limited number of solutions even then — some of which won’t work for me, others not for the other person, and still others not at all. I need another night or two of sleeping on it at the least.
And then I have a very, very full weekend; there’s a field party today that I’ll be taking the kids to, and I realised this morning that there’s a strong potential for DrahMah likely to be there. My policy will be simply to ignore the presence, but if this person gets in my face (a possibility, some people are SO ill-mannered) I’m going to have to deal with that while shielding my children from it. Then tomorrow there’s a “First Annual Picnic” that I’m attending… and bringing food (that I have to make today.) Mostly good people, probably low drama, but it’s still People and Social and I will again be wrangling my children.
And on top of that I got smacked in the face by something I should have seen a few days ago but ignored. I don’t always know my own emotions until I get blindsided by them, and they don’t always manifest in ways that make any sort of sense until I go back and analyze them. (This is probably horribly confusing to anyone around me.) I ran nose-first into a reaction from myself stronger than it should have been today, and on analysis registered that I should probably have a talk with someone, face to face, about jumping and which way and that sort of thing. This is not a convenient time for me to notice that I like anyone a bit more than I was aware of, as I have rather a lot else to do. Unfortunately, I know myself well enough to know that I have to deal with it or I’m just going to keep tripping over it and end up in a tangle. Sometimes I wish I didn’t DO that, but it seems to be “just the way I am.” As annoyed as other people get with me, I get probably more so with myself.
Related to that last, I’ve noticed for a while that my objectives and desires seem to be shifting. I think I’ve finally healed and moved on from some of the emotional damage that was done in my last serious relationship, which means that certain things (like non-monogamy, etc) are no longer requirements for my own psychoemotional protection. What I’m going to do about THAT, I don’t know. The whole emotional front is complicated by my own internal timestream; because my subjective temporal rate is faster than 1sec/sec, I tend to give people whiplash when I start processing.
Reading back over this, it’s almost like it should be an email to someone; really, though, anything with other people needs to be addressed in person. I guess it’s more of an email to myself, stating For The Record where things are with my life and my head and other body parts. Sometimes I think things through better by blogging here.