Some simple guidelines for trying to date me.
I ended up having very similar conversations with three different people in the same couple of hours this morning, and ended up with this long comment on Facebook that I’m just transferring here. It’s not bad advice for dealing with many women, barring the obviously me-specific things.
If you are interested in me, ask me out. Make time to see me, and tell me specifically that that’s what you’re doing. Don’t leave it at just talk, don’t do what-ifs and if-onlies. Don’t leave me to make all the plans, because I will think that you aren’t interested; don’t make vague references to plans, refuse to get specific, and then wonder why I’m upset about being jerked around. If plans are made with me, don’t stand me up or flip back and forth. Talk to me or I’ll think you’re not interested; I take silence as disinterest and/or rejection. Don’t make me come to you all the time, because it makes me feel like a paid companion or convenience you don’t consider worth making an effort to see. Make a move, initiate things, because I have blocks and Issues about it and can only mentally do it rarely and will freak out about it for a long time afterward if/when I do. Let me know that I am wanted and desired, and do it with more than words. Don’t assume that because I’m a strong personality that I don’t want to be courted or that I will do the courting. And don’t assume that my patience means that I will wait around forever. (Also, don’t assume that you have me just because we’re in bed together. That’s my body. The real prizes are my heart and trust, and those take work.) If you’re thinking of me, let me know. Don’t go silent if I let you know I’m thinking of you, as that generally reads to me as rejection. (A =) goes a long way sometimes.) If you think I’m amazing, if you’re proud of me, if you want me, if you adore me, tell me. How am I supposed to know otherwise? (And back it up with actions.)
If I like you, I’ll talk to you. I won’t refuse physical contact, and I will return messages and texts. I will invite communication, ie “you can text/call me/take me to dinner/drinks sometime.” (That’s the cue to contact me and say something like “How about dinner at 6 on Friday? Shall I pick you up, or would you like to meet there?”) If I really like you, I’ll even initiate communication and contact. If I get silence or no response, I think you’re not interested and that I’m being rejected and I react by shutting down and feeling hurt. I get being busy — I am myself — but it’s not that hard to send a “really busy, but thinking of you” text. In those words, even.
Maybe I should write the manual that I keep joking is furnished with me. This would be Chapter One. I note that the themes seem to be “communication” and “action”; something to bear in mind.