Back on track, maybe

Starting in my teens, I always had mental images, sort of recurring very consistent daydreams, that seemed to be set in the Southwest.  A condo or house, something with a walled or half-walled garden; rocks and sand and desert.  When I was twenty I started getting images of a job of some sort, with authority and a city view (at night, so apparently nonstandard hours) and deadlines and I was happy and confident in it.  I could even see how I looked in some of them, and it was obvious that I’d had a couple of children (from the bustline *cough*) and wasn’t exactly in my 20s, and these were good things.

These images stayed with me and always felt comfortable, though I couldn’t fathom how they’d be part of my life.  I could even see the color of car I’d be driving (medium blue.)  I felt enough of a call to the Southwest that when I was up for another vacation with the man who became my last ex-husband, I insisted that it be a road trip through the Southwest.  We drove through Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, and Arizona, and stopped in several places to sightsee.

There is a call to the area for me.  Nowhere was quite right, but there’s somewhere in the Southwest I’m supposed to be, that resonates with something in me.  I’ll know it when I’m there, and it reinforced those images.

And then I had the hell job, and met the ex-housemate, and got pregnant with my son, and those images just stopped.

After a while I forgot about them. 

And now they’ve roared back into my life.  I had a conversation with someone the other day, and the concept of moving there came under discussion.  I confessed a bit of my old desire to go out there, maybe live out there if I could find something in my field.  The response was a job posting with a company in my field, within range of my expertise, in the city the person I was talking to wants to move to.

Yesterday at work I got a glimmer of the old work images, and realised that they’ve been there since about my second week with my company.  It’s not outside the realm of possibility that I could remain working with them and move where I please, especially since it’s in range of one of our facilities.

This morning I woke up with all the old images in my head.  My house/apartment, driving, living out there… I don’t know where it is, but it’s there and it’s apparently a possibility.  Or even a probability, quantum resonance echoing back down the temporal axis.  (There is no one defined future; it’s a sheaf of probabilities, and the choices we make turn us to the future stemming from those choices.  Some do resonate more strongly, though, and if we have the Will we can make them happen.)

I feel like I’m back on track, and this makes me feel calmer and centered.  And there are some interesting possibilities in the cards.  I’m staying where I am for at least the next five years, but that will give me time to grow in my career and plan and research.  Who knows?


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