I am actually not a fictional character.

EDIT:  This has apparently gotten popular.  Yes, there are stories behind all of these, and they are all true and verifiable.  Ask me about them over a drink sometime.

 

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I’ve been trying to think of what to write for a few days now, and can’t really put a finger on it.  I was thrown a bit by therapy… I guess that’s a good sign, right?  So I think I’ll go with trying to explain why the phrase “Disney movies set up unhealthy expectations” is silly when applied anywhere near me.

I’ve fought with a sword, real one, not fencing.  I’ve run away to join the Renfaire.  I’ve hopped into a sleek black car with someone from Military Intelligence and driven off.  I’ve been involved in an incident that started at work (a normal-ish office job) on a day I was wearing a pencil skirt, seamed stockings, and killer heels, proceeded to a high-speed chase at night, covert surveillance on a house without tripping the motion sensors, a trip to the airport, a sexy black high-end Mustang convertible driven by a dark man with a mustache and accent, a VERY large wad of cash, and a suspiciously heavy bag left in my car.  I’ve been held hostage and kept as a hard-labor slave until I won my freedom by facing down a nutcase with a loaded gun in my face and laughing at him.  I learned to clear everyone out of a building under bomb threat by the time I was nine…without looking up from my book more than twice.  I kiss real save-lives, ride-to-the-rescue heroes.  I’ve kept a harem of rocket scientists.  I’ve done a complex maneuver with a non-orbiting (deep space) spacecraft hours before going to the emergency room in an ambulance.  I’ve provided sanctuary for someone running from a man who tried to kill her.  I’ve read the news report on the death of my personal bogeyman.  I fly satellites.  I’ve dated enough people with “interesting” jobs in a short enough period of time that I set off flags at a three-letter government agency and got investigated.  I’ve been a private investigator and trained as a bounty hunter.  I’ve kept high-ranking military officers as toys.  I’ve driven twelve hours each way to rescue a cat in Canada from euthanasia.  I’ve given birth by myself twice, the second time while attempting to install a workaround for a broken water pump.  (I stopped to actually have the baby.)  I’ve faced down someone threatening to kill me, not knowing that I had over a hundred people gathered at my back to support me.  I associate with, and am both loved and hated by, many known geniuses.  I’ve charmed people to move halfway across the country… accidentally.  If I get a sudden yen to do something it happens.  I can design nearly anything, and build most of what I design.

Yeah.  Disney movies set unhealthy expectations for my kids.  They’ll think life is BORING.

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2 responses to “I am actually not a fictional character.”

  1. answeringbeforecoffee says :

    That’s just the stuff I’ll talk about, and THAT is edited for the squeamish and TMI in this. Oh, and at least a third of what I mention here is after the manifestation of an invisible disability.

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