I am actually not a fictional character.
EDIT: This has apparently gotten popular. Yes, there are stories behind all of these, and they are all true and verifiable. Ask me about them over a drink sometime.
I’ve been trying to think of what to write for a few days now, and can’t really put a finger on it. I was thrown a bit by therapy… I guess that’s a good sign, right? So I think I’ll go with trying to explain why the phrase “Disney movies set up unhealthy expectations” is silly when applied anywhere near me.
I’ve fought with a sword, real one, not fencing. I’ve run away to join the Renfaire. I’ve hopped into a sleek black car with someone from Military Intelligence and driven off. I’ve been involved in an incident that started at work (a normal-ish office job) on a day I was wearing a pencil skirt, seamed stockings, and killer heels, proceeded to a high-speed chase at night, covert surveillance on a house without tripping the motion sensors, a trip to the airport, a sexy black high-end Mustang convertible driven by a dark man with a mustache and accent, a VERY large wad of cash, and a suspiciously heavy bag left in my car. I’ve been held hostage and kept as a hard-labor slave until I won my freedom by facing down a nutcase with a loaded gun in my face and laughing at him. I learned to clear everyone out of a building under bomb threat by the time I was nine…without looking up from my book more than twice. I kiss real save-lives, ride-to-the-rescue heroes. I’ve kept a harem of rocket scientists. I’ve done a complex maneuver with a non-orbiting (deep space) spacecraft hours before going to the emergency room in an ambulance. I’ve provided sanctuary for someone running from a man who tried to kill her. I’ve read the news report on the death of my personal bogeyman. I fly satellites. I’ve dated enough people with “interesting” jobs in a short enough period of time that I set off flags at a three-letter government agency and got investigated. I’ve been a private investigator and trained as a bounty hunter. I’ve kept high-ranking military officers as toys. I’ve driven twelve hours each way to rescue a cat in Canada from euthanasia. I’ve given birth by myself twice, the second time while attempting to install a workaround for a broken water pump. (I stopped to actually have the baby.) I’ve faced down someone threatening to kill me, not knowing that I had over a hundred people gathered at my back to support me. I associate with, and am both loved and hated by, many known geniuses. I’ve charmed people to move halfway across the country… accidentally. If I get a sudden yen to do something it happens. I can design nearly anything, and build most of what I design.
Yeah. Disney movies set unhealthy expectations for my kids. They’ll think life is BORING.